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Have you ever had nightmares like mine?
Slipping
Slowly
Sliding into sleep
When suddenly the claws of his inverted passions
Seem to dig into your consciousness,
His jealous hands closed tight upon your limbs
Holding you down
Spreading you wide
Raping you hard,
Defiling you with his seed
In your mouth and on your body
Like the worst kind of whore
Except he paid you in false love
Instead of money.

What can one do, but lie there
Helpless,
For to fight, to scream, to help oneself
Is to risk a hand around the throat,
Or two,
Because you’ve seen him lose control before,
And that gasping, choking
And those bruises on your legs
Weren’t a sight for your friends or your family.

The ghosts of other men
Who you had laid with
After breaking free the first time
From this toxic love
Would haunt him,
Plague him,
Drive him mad with jealousy.
Perhaps, through your Acting
He could sense
That your mind was not on him,
In bed,
But on another kinder, richer lover,
And every spank
And every hair pull
Every thrust
Was harder not by accident
But for punishment.

Still, like bamboo, willow
You will bend, not break
And this creature’s attempts to possess you utterly
Will fail,
For though he longs to fill your mind, body, and heart
Your body is all that he had ownership of
For he lost your trust some time ago
In an isolated cabin in winter
Where no one would have heard your cries,
And fear of death
Through his loss of control
Kept you quite silent,
Compliant,
To his twisted fantasies
Which he claimed were yours.

Now you must purge your body
Of his loving hate
Cry quiet tears
Sleep only in the light
And make believe
That making love
Is something people do
Instead of fucking.

© 2016 Anne Yumi Kobori

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