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Wanting must be better than having
When the consummation of our passions
Cost me your friendship, which was easy once. 
Secrets spoken aloud
Lose nearly all their charm
And, perhaps, something of their truth.
Better we had never touched
Better we had never spoke
Better we had never had-
And yet
The memory of a thousand wild nights
Trumps the stuff of all my dreams by day,
And though I try to force you from my mind
A perfect memory is my eternal curse. 

Wanting is worse than having
For having had you once
For what we thought was all,
And having cast you off
For breaking of our trysts,
Now, inexplicably, I want you still
But you seem to be the first man 
Out of this Eve's reach,
A humbling and infuriating truth. 

So I will bury these desires for a time
Set my course for far and stranger tides,
Fall in
And out
Of love
And in again
At last! 
Memory's pangs dull to an ache
And I am sick with wanting someone new. 

Still, until then you'll linger in my mind
(But not my heart, for I have cut those strings)
And I will hope, with all of my cruel self
That you are wanting, and not having, too. 

© 2016 Anne Yumi Kobori